Originally Published: Tuesday, 31 October 2000 Author: Ryan C. Gordon
Published to: daily_feature/Linux.com Feature Story Page: 1/1 - [Printable]

Another Halloween Document

Ryan Gordon strikes again with another work of satire! Another 'leaked memo' from Microsoft on Hallowe'en, to celebrate the infamous 'Halloween Document' of years past. While clearly a work of satire, this one is sure to inspire some heated discussion. Check it out! By the way, that's Ryan juggling in today's Photo Of The Day.

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In a rare moment of router stability, an E-mail from a microsoft.com E-mail address landed in my inbox this morning. I figured this was just going to be that spam about getting 5,000 bucks from Microsoft if I just pass the mail onto both of my friends, and was about to delete it, but then I looked a little closer. What had been passed to me was clearly a leaked memo from the bowels of the Evil Empire, and from Bill himself, no less! Seeing as I am always in search of quick fame, I thought I'd post it here immediately.

What I recieved appeared to be a somewhat unfortunate tradition; Microsoft seems to have taken to using Halloween as the time for an annual review of Linux's standing, based on a memo that leaked in October of 1998, penned by a guy named Vinod Valloppillil. Say that five times fast. Vinod admitted to a bunch of things we never thought we'd hear a Microsoft employee say, and it got all sorts of press. Vinod works for a Linux company now. No joke.

For the previous documents that follow in the tradition of All Hallow's Eve, please see http://www.opensource.org/halloween/. Nothing has been edited here, typos included, except that I've removed the name of the informant.

Enjoy, --ryan.

From: xxxxxxxx@microsoft.com
To: "Ryan C. Gordon"
Subject: Halloween document.

Hey, Ryan. Been getting a kick out of your linux.com articles.

Got something here for you. See what you think of this:

------------Forwarded Message------------
From: "William Gates"
To: all@microsoft.com
Subject: Ghosts, Goblins, and Linux.

Happy Halloween, everyone! It is the time of year where we review the Linux operating system's position again, so I thought I would sit down and pass on my thoughts for this year.

A lot of buzz has been generated in the past 12 months about Linux; notably thanks to the popularization of more robust graphical environments. In this case, I am referring to the KDE and GNOME projects, which I will focus some time in this email on. Before KDE and GNOME, Linux was considered a server OS, and now, Linux has capture 5.6 percent of the desktop market. While 5 percent is not a threatning number to Microsoft, it is important to remember that Linux is sitting on more desktops than MacOS at this point. MacOS never really concerned me very much, but this should give everyone some perspective. It is also important to consider that Linux is still a "fad" at this time, and that number will probably drop back to less than one percent.

Why will it drop? Finite resources. Linux prides itself on the "open source" model, which counts on programmers around the world contributing to a product. In theory, the idea of free labor is wonderful. In reality, there just are not that many skilled programmers willing to work for free. The open source zealots always try to suggest that there are thousands of talented coders just lying about waiting for a good project to work on. Any one that has programmed professionally knows that at the end of a long day of coding, the last thing you want to do is go home and program more for free. I am a programmer myself, and I feel I am accurate in that statement. Turn your Internet Explorer to http://www.mozilla.org/, and laugh. This is the product of "thousands" of hard working open source coders. We did that same work, and more, in-house with less than 50 people working on the codebase. You can not get eight, let alone ten or twelve, hour days out of open source coders. No one has that sort of free time. And you can not expect 10,000 people to offer a few lines of code each and have a coherent codebase. That is mere insanity, and you can see examples of such failures all over the internet. There is a big collection of them over at http://www.sourceforge.net/. The lucky projects get a couple of programmers, not an army, and the really lucky ones get a couple of programmers with more than a little spare time. This is a shame, since a lot of pretty innovative ideas tend to just fizzle and die.

So, a Linux effort has finite resources to start with. Eventually a good idea is conceived, and executed, and on the rare occasion that it produces quality results, there is a split. In this case, I am referring to KDE. For several petty reasons I will get into later, GNOME was started in direct response to KDE, and began duplicating its functionality.

The Linux pundits look at competing projects and applaud. "Competition is great!" they cry. I am sure everyone agrees that competition is an ideal that is not as glorious in reality as those sophists make it sound. In reality, competing projects serve only to split a finite resource further.

I wonder if I would be writing a different letter right now if all those developers could focus on one system, and debug and enhance that. Competition is, according to the spokesmen of Linux, is supposed to encourage improvements to both systems in a darwinian fashion, but in fact both systems are still struggling to implement features we introduced in the first release of Windows 95. There is not much hope for these projects to merge. The fools are content to have theme and drag-and-drop compatibility and argue about the finer points of the GPL, while crucial elements like component subsystems grow more incompatible as time goes on.

This brings me to the next point: infighting. The primary spokesmen for Linux are Richard M. Stallman, a professor, and Eric S. Raymond, a (self-proclaimed) writer. I won't waste your time on each's inflexible opinion of what Linux should be, except to note that both have a variation on the messages of open source's charity and selflessness. Give away your source code to make a better product? Doubtful. Give away your source code to protect your freedoms? Hardly. Ironically, both need to defend their feel-good mantras for purely selfish reasons. And, while both desperately need Linux to thrive for shameless self-promotion, the two spokesmen spend their time trying to show that the other is not just incorrect, but downright evil. They probably do as much harm as good for their cause. How can anyone be productive when one has to expend energy to argue the fundamentals of such artificial concepts as "Free Software" and "Open Source?"

To continue my example, GNOME was started because KDE, an open source project, used an open, but not "free" library of custom controls called "Qt". Qt was not acceptable to the free software movement, so therefore all of the work done on KDE was "tainted" in their eyes. Their solution? Rewrite the whole thing. As GNOME work commenced, another faction began work on "Harmony" with the goal of replacing Qt at the API level with a "free" implementation.

Threefold duplication of effort is, as you can see, Linux's answer to everything. Do not forget that they are doing all this work on finite resources, still under the false impression that this will build a better GUI.

Since nothing ever really gets accomplished in the Linux market, the poor zealots need to celebrate every small victory. This is a community of self- proclaimed "hackers" that are still celebrating the successful reverse engineering of those silly CueCat scanners. Therefore, as soon as a company mentions Linux in a positive way, regardless of how insignificant, the slashdot.org crowd throws a virtual equivalent of Mardi Gras. More GNOME examples here: the creation of HelixCode, a company that has an income of zero dollars, and the official announcement of GNOME support by Sun Microsystems. In the former case, everyone will gasp when HelixCode goes away (after all, didn't Mr. Raymond say that Open Source could be profitable?), and in the later, everyone forgets immediately how they felt about Sun's handling of Java last year. Despite this, Mardi Gras rages on.

Let me dwell a little longer on the topic of corporate acceptance. Years ago, the "problem" with Linux was a lack of hardware drivers. Today, that problem still exists, and even though many people seem to think otherwise, I've yet to hear reports of a working, let alone robust DVD player for this "desktop" operating system. I hear horror stories about incompatible and difficult to configure 3D accelerators. Linux has not gotten to the point where you can walk into CompUSA and grab something off the shelf and expect it to work in any form with the OS. This is not a new story, but it is downplayed more today. I can not pretend that the Linux kernel has not improved, but it has not improved at the rate that Torvalds and his bunch of merry men pretend it has, and that's largely due to companies that will not release hardware programming information. They aren't interested in Open Source, and they don't want to be troubled by it.

Want more concrete examples? At LinuxWorld in San Jose only a few months ago, SGI had to find a way to explain how Linux is great while they showed off their IRIX technology. The magician they brought helped, I hear. Michael Dell can not stop babbling about this exciting new Linux while meanwhile, Microsoft operating systems power the computers that keep his company afloat. It is always good, in a truely Machiavellian sense, to pay lip service to industry buzzwords like "Linux", but most companies will not bet their payrolls on it when push comes to shove. That's why we avoid future bad press in our standard manner; when we announced that we would port Internet Explorer to Solaris, we always used the term "Unix" in our press releases, to give Microsoft a safety buffer. I think that's wiser in the long run.

Officially, Microsoft has always kept at a safe distance with Linux. We leave the actually muddying to others, like Mindcraft. The average Linux user has a much more direct response. Generally speaking, if you were to ask a Linux user the benefits of Linux they will not tell you about its merits, but rather Windows's flaws. I am generally distrustful of anyone that defines themselves by what they are against and not what they are for.

This attitude is pervasive in the community: even the leaders of this counter-culture act like children! If they aren't making fun of our pleads for Freedom to Innovate (something they do themselves, when legal processes stop them; ask the people at linuxvideo.org what they think of their "freedom to innovate" with their DVD player), then they are fighting over the open source license of the week, or having a spat with each other, or forking Samba or whatnot.

In years past, we've discussed various ways to stop the Linux wave; we have considered everything from FUD to mud slinging to benchmarks to proprietary "standards" to force them down. The next step is usually what the Linux community refers to as "embrace and extend," where we make our own proprietary version of Linux, brand it with our trademark, and improve it until people would rather use our flavor than any other. At that point, we can lock everyone else out of the market.

However, I don't think that will be necessary. Why on earth would Microsoft want to embrace this virtual kindergarten? I don't think we need that sort of trouble. My honest opinion? Let's do nothing. I think that sooner or later, these Linux fools will self-destruct without our influence. We'll see who has the Mardi Gras celebration then. In the meantime, I hope they enjoy their 5.6 percent of the desktop. It won't last.

That's my "Halloween document" for 2000. Nothing to worry about. And for crying out loud, don't leak this memo this year. We all remember what happened to Vinod, right?


----------End Forwarded Message----------

Note: This article is a piece of satire meant to brighten your day.

Ryan C. Gordon has a reputation for his unwavering ethics in journalistic circles around the world. He can be reached at icculus@lokigames.com.

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